Moving On, Moving West

When we first spoke,
I didn’t know you weren’t listening
but I should have realized you were not the one.
Truth comes with justice, but how do I justify the truth?
I’ve made amends, but I cannot fathom forgiveness,
let me wallow in my guilt, for I am made of pity.
These shoulders bear more weight then they can hold,
I can’t stand the idea of being alone.

For all I have done,
I am sorry, the choices were mine to make.
And yet, I feel thankful that I made those mistakes.
For, the future is endless, and too far out to see.
But, there’s a whisper that keeps calling out to me.

It says:
Stay on track, don’t look back,
you will find your place in time.
Those faces, erase them, you are meant to shine.
Excuses, don’t lose sight of, who you want to be,
stay honest, and kind, you will find your fish in this vast sea.

Off the top of my head, as, I replay those tapes,
I feel sorry for myself.
Should I repent for these sins as I suck the ocean dry?
Like a broken record, I am
so paranoid.
Useless, use that, to concur your own devils.

Seemingly once hopeless, I am now hopeful,
because I know what I need to do.
Take a chance.

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Please grab a drink with me

Heart,
I cannot stop you from beating,
but this will only hurt a little.
To be a fly on your wall
(just one glance)
is enough to break me
into a million little pieces.
Oh, how I wish you were mine.
A taste for class that I respect immensely,
a strong jaw line and features
that I dream about outlining with my finger tips
Bring your face close
for just one kiss;
a snicker and a side smile
my stomach jumps into my throat
I choke on my own words
Stumbling
Upon
Sentences
that make no sense.
Cover my eyes, can you see right through me?
My attempts at commonality,
just to talk to you,
At best, you’ll see my willingness…
At worst, it’s too much.
(Chalk it up to embarrassment)
But for you, darling,
It is never enough.
I just can’t stay away
and honestly, I don’t think I want to any longer.

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Searching

Point me in the right direction
because I’m lost in time and space.
I gave you all that you said you wanted,
yet I can’t find my place.
And sure, I’ll give it another go,
because I don’t think I know any better,
but when I find what I’ve been looking for
you better believe I won’t be missing you either.

Speak clearly darling,
there’s static in the airwaves.
There’s life you’re losing out on behind the noise of your screen.
Is there cotton in your ears?
Or are you just not listening?
There’s hardships in strive,
but that’s not what I’d call this here.

You’re lucky to feel so contempt in an obnoxious pattern of mishaps.
I can’t seem to find my way around.
The past is not your present, but what can I even count on?
I can’t see into the future, I don’t have a crystal ball.
But when I find what I’m looking for,
I’ll feel like I have it all.

Love is meant to be broken.
how else will we learn,
that the beauty in breakdown
is meant to be heard?
I can’t silence my voice as it’s clear.
I don’t know who myself is with you near.

Take another go at it,
there’s no way we can repeat the same mistake twice.
What do you do when you just don’t feel alright?
And it’s sad to say it, but I can’t say I miss you too.
Because I’ve found what I’ve been looking for…
and it’s not you.

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Unpopular

anyone in this town
knows a far better truth
then once was
is coming to an end;
but to seek wisdom in the unholy,
provides ideals that are too transparent to pull thin.
lies stretched across a bare skull,
bones broken at the sockets,
torn apart by claims
too far fetched to be proven false.

I’m not unfaithful,
I’ve just lost faith.
Time has taken me to a place that seems so familiar,
and I look around, waiting to see someone I know,
but they see right through me
and it’s time to move on…

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Your Presence

Looking for love in all the wrong places,
Cornering myself into dark spaces.
The smell of cigarettes lingers, I can almost taste it;
Reminds me that you are still around…
Watch over me, like an angel,
sometimes I need a push in the right direction.
I have confused the expectations
that I hold for myself
with second guessings,
that I should have never listened to.
Honestly, I believe in modesty,
but humility will not get you very far.
Chains locked, holding onto the breath that forces you to feel choked up.
Frankly, it is irritating
How I will never be good enough…
Malicious suspicion, I’ll continue to witness mischief
But I will not be a part of it…

Vacancy

Dear Loneliness,
We’ve met so many times before.
What’s mine is yours, and you can have it all.

Hey there, Angel.
I haven’t seen you around lately,
maybe it’s because I’m too scared to admit
that I’ve made plenty of mistakes.
But Lord, if you can hear me, I’m sorry.
Life has this funny way of working itself out,
or not at all.

Good Morning, Sunshine.
It’s hard to sleep when you’re shining in my eyes.
And I just want to roll over and go back to sleep until tonight.
Why should I make something of this life, when you’re better off crumbling with the walls surrounding you.
Know I’m too far gone, past lethal, I’d rather sing the song of a mistaken muse.

Pleasantries, Stranger.
I see your shadows in my dreams.
Oddly, you’re getting closer to me,
And I can’t see my breath anymore.

Again, loneliness…
I could be in a room filled with people, but all eyes are on you.
If I take one step, one foot in front of the other, I may just fall.
What’s more satisfactory; an alternative – I would rather give it my best,
swallow my pride and reflect courage.
I’ve changed my mind.
What’s mine is still yours,
But what are you going to do with all of it?

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Cheers to a life once lonely

I’ve fallen in love with my dream man.
Twirling in circles; my hand on the small of his back.
On top of the world, he told me he’d always take care of me,
and he commissioned a portrait in my honor
that I wasn’t supposed to know about.
Dressed in black, him in a tux
We danced, my head lay on his shoulder.
I felt, I knew, I found my forever…
now where are you?

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Half Past Too Late

Not many things give me butterflies,
but You, You do.
tumbling…
my heart is in my throat.
impatient waiting
to explode.;
You drive me insane with the choices that you’ve made
You could have been my better half,
but what’s left?
Uncertainty, at best.

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4 A.M.

We used to rap together, laugh together,
but times were changing…you started misbehaving.
Like I never heard from you at all, a fatal flaw.

There’s still room in my heart for you,
but I wish you grew up, it was all too soon (and not soon enough),
and sudden,
In my mind, I can’t comprehend what happened.

You always told me to write down my rhymes,
for better or for worse,
a blessing or a curse;
You blew my mind.
You stopped doing the thing you told me meant the most to you,
guess I wasn’t on that Christmas list, so I had to let you loose.

Bringing back memories of extraordinary dates where we’d recline in your backyard,
when we’d go for joy rides but we never went too far.
We’d lay in your bed, my head in your lap, and we’d nap until 4 a.m.
You used to say I was the one that got away.

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Stay Humble

Everyone (wants to) think they are an artist.
But, true art is meant to fall apart.
It is the “and” “or” and “but”s stringing along a paragraph, written that makes no sense.
It is the tint of blue hue that lines the border of a sunset that mocks a sunrise as it bleeds orange,
The corners of undeveloped film exposed to light.
The string of pearls mixed with coiled silver that have no need to be laced by the same chain.
Mixed media splattered in disarray, leaving the bigger picture as an untold mystery.
Pricks on your finger from a sewing needle;
The dusty antiques in your mother’s basement, that you’ve been meaning to put up for auction.
A kindergartener’s fingerprints that make even the most childishly drawn tree look full with leaves.
The sheet music with stains of coffee from a night of successful orchestri.
The talent of swaying to a tune too beautiful and hushed to be spoiled.
The morbidity of your mind clouded with cataracts, distracting from the overall picture.
Freedom of body language that tells its own story.
Science behind modern inventions used while
time passes, spent correcting the “if” “will” and “want”s.
The joy it brings, and the suffering that allows one to spill their heart in a vibrant scene of unforeseen dreams,
playing trickery with the minds of the mean,
the silent beings with modesty certain – making for the art that is worth it.

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