Moving On, Moving West

When we first spoke,
I didn’t know you weren’t listening
but I should have realized you were not the one.
Truth comes with justice, but how do I justify the truth?
I’ve made amends, but I cannot fathom forgiveness,
let me wallow in my guilt, for I am made of pity.
These shoulders bear more weight then they can hold,
I can’t stand the idea of being alone.

For all I have done,
I am sorry, the choices were mine to make.
And yet, I feel thankful that I made those mistakes.
For, the future is endless, and too far out to see.
But, there’s a whisper that keeps calling out to me.

It says:
Stay on track, don’t look back,
you will find your place in time.
Those faces, erase them, you are meant to shine.
Excuses, don’t lose sight of, who you want to be,
stay honest, and kind, you will find your fish in this vast sea.

Off the top of my head, as, I replay those tapes,
I feel sorry for myself.
Should I repent for these sins as I suck the ocean dry?
Like a broken record, I am
so paranoid.
Useless, use that, to concur your own devils.

Seemingly once hopeless, I am now hopeful,
because I know what I need to do.
Take a chance.

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Take Way to the Sea

Man on the sea
He’s following me.
Glory to all his days
weaving paths along the way.

He wishes he could go back to a simpler time
when the waves would show you the way;
the markers of the compass,
but the water is rough.
Too hard to hold on
and the boat begins to sway…

Take him back to the good times,
sun beating down on his neck,
freckles on his back,
where the waters were calm
and he was all alone
but loved it nonetheless.

All he needed to do was tell her how he felt,
but his virtue was his pride
while stubbornness and terror were his only vices
(you’ll never know what that means).

Some would say,
and as legend tells it,
look for the North Star
You will see his friendly grin
and one day, he will ring the bell
and set sail for one last ride.

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Please grab a drink with me

Heart,
I cannot stop you from beating,
but this will only hurt a little.
To be a fly on your wall
(just one glance)
is enough to break me
into a million little pieces.
Oh, how I wish you were mine.
A taste for class that I respect immensely,
a strong jaw line and features
that I dream about outlining with my finger tips
Bring your face close
for just one kiss;
a snicker and a side smile
my stomach jumps into my throat
I choke on my own words
Stumbling
Upon
Sentences
that make no sense.
Cover my eyes, can you see right through me?
My attempts at commonality,
just to talk to you,
At best, you’ll see my willingness…
At worst, it’s too much.
(Chalk it up to embarrassment)
But for you, darling,
It is never enough.
I just can’t stay away
and honestly, I don’t think I want to any longer.

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Your Presence

Looking for love in all the wrong places,
Cornering myself into dark spaces.
The smell of cigarettes lingers, I can almost taste it;
Reminds me that you are still around…
Watch over me, like an angel,
sometimes I need a push in the right direction.
I have confused the expectations
that I hold for myself
with second guessings,
that I should have never listened to.
Honestly, I believe in modesty,
but humility will not get you very far.
Chains locked, holding onto the breath that forces you to feel choked up.
Frankly, it is irritating
How I will never be good enough…
Malicious suspicion, I’ll continue to witness mischief
But I will not be a part of it…

Cheers to a life once lonely

I’ve fallen in love with my dream man.
Twirling in circles; my hand on the small of his back.
On top of the world, he told me he’d always take care of me,
and he commissioned a portrait in my honor
that I wasn’t supposed to know about.
Dressed in black, him in a tux
We danced, my head lay on his shoulder.
I felt, I knew, I found my forever…
now where are you?

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4 A.M.

We used to rap together, laugh together,
but times were changing…you started misbehaving.
Like I never heard from you at all, a fatal flaw.

There’s still room in my heart for you,
but I wish you grew up, it was all too soon (and not soon enough),
and sudden,
In my mind, I can’t comprehend what happened.

You always told me to write down my rhymes,
for better or for worse,
a blessing or a curse;
You blew my mind.
You stopped doing the thing you told me meant the most to you,
guess I wasn’t on that Christmas list, so I had to let you loose.

Bringing back memories of extraordinary dates where we’d recline in your backyard,
when we’d go for joy rides but we never went too far.
We’d lay in your bed, my head in your lap, and we’d nap until 4 a.m.
You used to say I was the one that got away.

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Stay Humble

Everyone (wants to) think they are an artist.
But, true art is meant to fall apart.
It is the “and” “or” and “but”s stringing along a paragraph, written that makes no sense.
It is the tint of blue hue that lines the border of a sunset that mocks a sunrise as it bleeds orange,
The corners of undeveloped film exposed to light.
The string of pearls mixed with coiled silver that have no need to be laced by the same chain.
Mixed media splattered in disarray, leaving the bigger picture as an untold mystery.
Pricks on your finger from a sewing needle;
The dusty antiques in your mother’s basement, that you’ve been meaning to put up for auction.
A kindergartener’s fingerprints that make even the most childishly drawn tree look full with leaves.
The sheet music with stains of coffee from a night of successful orchestri.
The talent of swaying to a tune too beautiful and hushed to be spoiled.
The morbidity of your mind clouded with cataracts, distracting from the overall picture.
Freedom of body language that tells its own story.
Science behind modern inventions used while
time passes, spent correcting the “if” “will” and “want”s.
The joy it brings, and the suffering that allows one to spill their heart in a vibrant scene of unforeseen dreams,
playing trickery with the minds of the mean,
the silent beings with modesty certain – making for the art that is worth it.

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Missed Connection

So calm and collected
He read a mysterious book and
his bookmark said “read and return“.
With a wool baseball cap
(I never saw what was written on it)
He sat there with one leg crossed over the other
high top blue Converse unlaced at the tongue.
Among the hustle and bustle of the airport
traffic
He stayed still.
Never did he look over.
But…maybe…out of the corner of his eye,
I found inspiration.
That may have been all it ever will be;
How I wished I asked him what He was reading
his 5 o’clock shadow]
My voice? I was brought to my knees.
I hope you got to where you were going safely,
because I keep thinking about thee.

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You Were in My Dream Last Night

Your love is like a rose:
The redder it gets, the older it is (deep crimson)
Whispering wits and tales of tomorrow’s end…

I dream about you, it makes me nervous.
A feeling that has never crossed my mind,
an itch that is hard to find
Will you be mine?

A draft draws me back in.
You could feed me to the fishes, I would not care;
a floating carcass encased in nature, bound by the beauty – it is cyclical
(as long as you were there)
Stop being so cynical!

Does this make sense to you? A fool’s heart is certain,
perched upon an open desert made of less than desire.
Why shall I bother?
Because, I know there is something there, more than you care to know.

Acceptance comes after realization.
A bittersweet sorrow you may not rightly fathom,
Because your eyes cannot open to the possibility of intention (they are all good, I swear)
To beckon upon your misery would be unjust of me;

All I want is to open your heart;
Peel back your petals, cup you in my hands
Show you a sweeter side that you deserve to get used to.

Will you let the rain drops give you life again?
Or wither away into soft nothings, brought to you by tragedy?
Do not dwell in the past, let us live for now.

Signed,
A prayer on one knee in the future (the key)
Hold onto thee.

 

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Pick Up The Pieces

Heartbroken:
I should have known this would happen again
Never enough to be a friend
A slash to the stomach, was it worth it?
You can judge me like everyone (I’ll find someone) else
Someone will let me be myself

Help me believe in love again, I want to be in love again,,,

Conflicted, constricted, my mind is not at ease
Listen to my prayers, please, I’m sinking…

Too close for comfort (why didn’t anyone warn her?)
I have lost interest…I did not deserve this…

My darling, you’ve devastated me,
Heartbroken in places I’ve never seen,

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