4 A.M.

We used to rap together, laugh together,
but times were changing…you started misbehaving.
Like I never heard from you at all, a fatal flaw.

There’s still room in my heart for you,
but I wish you grew up, it was all too soon (and not soon enough),
and sudden,
In my mind, I can’t comprehend what happened.

You always told me to write down my rhymes,
for better or for worse,
a blessing or a curse;
You blew my mind.
You stopped doing the thing you told me meant the most to you,
guess I wasn’t on that Christmas list, so I had to let you loose.

Bringing back memories of extraordinary dates where we’d recline in your backyard,
when we’d go for joy rides but we never went too far.
We’d lay in your bed, my head in your lap, and we’d nap until 4 a.m.
You used to say I was the one that got away.

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You’ve Gotten Underneath My Skin

You still get to me
an itch I can’t scratch
You still get to me
Even if mama knows best
Your words still sing to me
As I hum along
You still get to me
An infectious lullaby song

Things I Wish I Could Say

If you understand,
Why did you turn away?
If you could take it back,
Would things go differently?
And if I said I’m sorry…
Would it mean a thing?
Through all the good –
The bad seemed unnecessary.

All of the pages,
Unwritten at best.
Left torn
To savor the rest;
I only hope you can see my side…
I may have lost you,
But I couldn’t lose my pride.

If you lost the greatest,
Why did I anticipate it?
If you saw the hope,
Why did you choke?
And if I told you how I felt,
Would you listen with stealth?
Through all the pain,
There was something to gain.

Broken and unsure –
My heart is still sore.
Unable to heal;
Full potential is feared.
All I can say is, I miss the day…
The times we actually meant what we would say;

If you understand,
Why did you turn away?
If you could take it back,
Would things go differently?
And if I said I’m sorry…
Would it mean a thing?
Through all the good –
The bad seemed unnecessary.

Do you agree
Or shall we just brawl?
What else matters
If you can’t have it all?
Spoiled or rotten;
Thirst took the shade.
All in all,
It’s about what we made;

Things I wish I could say…
I wish it could have stayed the same.

The Only Way to Go is Up (Or to Give Up)

Moving forward is my constant struggle,

I learned I could love again, but there is a lot on my shoulders,

A lot to say, left over

(I am even learning to pray)

I wish you the best and I hope you are okay…

The Only Way to Go is Up (Or to Give Up)

Please put the bottle(s) down,

You are such a nervous wreck.

Knuckles so dry, they could cut ice on the break;

(On edge),

All I had, all I could do

Once upon the time, I knew you.

 

Every day is deemed a struggle, when you find yourself so far under.

(Considering) the well won’t hit rock bottom

Well, it’s rock solid.

The gravel falls with the travels you call nervous breakdowns;

I never meant to play you, but it was over before it even started.

 

Not enough in common to feel the voices calling,

And now, that I have found the one

You act like you have none…

Maybe you are better off without me,

(Always seemed to be).

We both have a lot of problems,

(Obviously).

Still, I root for you to get better

(the stormy weather is near).

Silver linings will never provide us with the comfort we wanted to endear.

For, inside, instilled thoughts of fear recover,

In the hands of another who is fairly similar.

 

All that had broken out was ugly,

A side I launched aside, but I was not treated right.

The guilt floods my brain, my mind

Forgiveness is in vain (in my name),

but resentment is an easier price to pay

(it just did not feel right).

 

I am in search – rediscovery of the part of me

(The one which you stole)

To treat another in the way you truly want to be.

You fed me, made me this way,

I do not blame you (though),

For you opened my eyes to see,

I was a fool to selfishness.

I tried;

I wished the glass wouldn’t shatter,

But in the end,

I need more than you can fathom.